My Gift to the Universe

I am extraordinarily intelligent,
a wonder to humanity at large.
Of course I know this because
I am an avid reader of the New York Times,
an extremely literary work.
It is almost entirely devoid of images
(a sign of a really thinky publication.)
I don’t bother actually reading the articles,
or even the headlines
because it’s all on the news,
but I do pay close attention to
the numerous examples of highly educated vocabulary.
Words such as: grandiloquent, jejune, and esoterica
float loftily from out of the grey pulp pages
onto the warm, attentive folds of my brain
leaving me smarter, and smarter, and smarter.